


Throughout the years,

by writethedust



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Minor Character Death, Slow Burn, Yuta and Johnny as comeo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-06
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2019-11-12 18:39:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18016244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writethedust/pseuds/writethedust
Summary: where Jaehyun first met Doyoung when he was 10 years old, years after years, it had always been Doyoung.





	1. 10 years old

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, I am back with another lame attempt of jaedo and guess what it's chapters! Hahaha... I don't what to do with myself. Anyway, since I'm pretty much a weak author, I just hope everyone who reads this would enjoy. English is not my first language so excuse me for the mistakes that might be there.

**Age - 10 years old**

 

It was summer vacation. Kids like Jaehyun absolutely loved when it came to summer, mainly because it was school off and it’s vacation time. They could play the whole day, woke up late and just ate lots of foods - minus their school homework.

Like any other family, Jaehyun’s family booked at least one whole week for them to go to the countryside where they would visit and stayed at Jaehyun’s grandmother’s house. Jaehyun loved his grandmother - she was the kind and soft grandmother - and would always excited when he could go and visited his grandmother. There was a lot of stuff that little Jaehyun wanted to share to his grandmother. 

“Grandma!” little Jaehyun shouted, the moment he stepped out from the car. He ran quickly when he spotted the old lady by the entrance. 

“Jaehyun, be careful!” Jaehyun’s mother warned, shook her head at the sight of her playful child. She greeted her mother in law and then proceeded to help her husband to take put their things.

Jaehyun hugged his grandmother and giggled excitedly. He felt a soft pat on his head, looked up, watching his grandmother gave the softest eyes. Warm, warm, warm...

“Oh, my grandchild is already this tall?”

Jaehyun released the hug. He grinned at the old lady while placing both of his hands on his waist, proud of showing himself. “I grow, right?” he asked cutely, unconsciously tiptoe to show his height.

The old lady just laughed at the child’s antics. 

 

...

 

Jaehyun skipped along the street, greeting anyone he met along the way. It was the second day he had been staying with his grandmother and finally be able to go out and play around the neighbourhood. 

Not that Jaehyun disliked staying at the house but for a kid like him, it was getting boring when he was the only child. He thought of walking around the neighbourhood or maybe find someone around his age to play with.

The place where Jaehyun lived was surrounded by tall building and more buildings - the city. However here, tall buildings were hardly been seen, just some old house and even an old fashion store with lots of green natures.

Jaehyun walked into the small mart, the one he always visited every time he came to the neighbourhood. He grabbed an ice cream and paid for it with the pocket money he got from his father. 

It was a hot summer but it turned shady now since it was evening. Jaehyun walked along the road until he found something that grabbed his curiosity. It was a big hill, green grasses with little bushes here and there. He licked his ice cream as he watched his surrounding.

Jaehyun hadn’t been here as far as he remembered. He licked his ice cream and climbed up the hill. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, and the last lick, his ice cream almost finished. He stopped his track, looked around him, noticed that he was almost near to the top where he saw a gigantic tree, a very lone tree. 

Jaehyun squinted when he was aware that there was something or someone besides the tree. He tilted his head, interested. He licked the last bite of his ice cream. Quickly he made his way and this time he ran up up the hill. 

Slowly but surely, Jaehyun was getting near and he let out a giggle due to the excitement. He was starting to see that someone was a boy like him - he was so sure. 

But luck maybe wasn’t on his side, Jaehyun fell down when he mistakenly stepped on his shoelace that was apparently untied. He winched in pain as he fell on his face. He rubbed his face due to the grasses caught on his face, looked at his shoelace and groaned. Quickly tied up the lace, he stood up immediately. 

Empty.

None.

There was nothing beside the tree, the one that Jaehyun saw before. Frantically, he ran up the hill until he reached the tree. He caught his breath and looked around but he was alone. He felt dejected. He turned to look at the tree, stood in the middle alone. 

“Mr. Tree, do you see someone here just now?” Jaehyun asked, patted the tree trunk. Obviously, there was no answer. He just let out a sigh and mumbled, “I’ll just come here tomorrow, right Mr. Tree?”

Right, maybe Jaehyun should come again. He had like six days more before he left the neighbourhood.

 

...

 

The next, and the next day, and also the very next, Jaehyun came around the same time at the hill, to the lone big tree but he never managed to find the boy. He told the story about the boy to his grandmother who only managed to support him like she always been.

But little Jaehyun was starting to discourage with searching for the boy. Sometimes, _most of the time_ , he wondered if he even saw it precisely. He didn’t really manage to see it carefully, it was a glimpse and he only saw somehow shadow like-wise. Why was he being curious? He didn’t know.

It was the last day. He had to go back to his own home at the city. Jaehyun played outside his grandmother’s house while his parent busied somewhere. 

“Jaehyun-ah,”

Jaehyun looked up from staring at the peddle. His eyes widen, a little surprised to see his grandmother stood right beside him. He didn’t even realise it. “Yes?” his cute tiny voice answered.

“Aren’t you going to the hill?”

Jaehyun looked down at the peddle back. He puffed his cheeks, knowing what his grandmother was asking about. “No,” he mumbled.

“Are you sure?” She asked, patted her grandchild’s head. “You didn’t even go yesterday.”

“Why bother?” Jaehyun grumpily said, frowned as he stood. He kicked the peddle angrily, a little frustrated inside him. “I’m not going!” he shouted and ran away. 

 

...

 

Jaehyun walked, walked and walked more until he realised where he was. It was the hill where that lone gigantic tree was. He groaned mentally of how he managed to walk that far. He wasn’t supposed to come here.

He looked up and stunned for a moment. A shadow. A shadow beside the tree. Jaehyun’s little heart was beating like crazy. He lips curved upward and quickly ran up the hill and this time he was sure that his shoelaces were perfectly tied. He didn’t want to fall and lost his chance again. 

 

...

 

Ran, ran, ran, Jaehyun ran up the hill. There, he saw vividly a person, and yes, a boy about his age and oh, the boy was pretty. 

Jaehyun grinned and then shouted as he ran, attempted to catch the boy attention. It did. The boy turned toward him. He quickly made his way, catching his breath as he stood in front of the boy when he arrived right beside the old gigantic tree. Breathe in, breathe out as he watched the boy was staring right at him. He blinked his eyes, turned speechless. 

“Hey?”

Jaehyun snapped from his blankness. He noticed the boy was waving his hand at his face and thus Jaehyun realised that he had’t been saying anything since. He cleared his throat, grinned. “Hello,” he started off. 

The boy tilted his head, confused. 

Jaehyun played with his fingers, nervous. He had been searching for the boy every single day and now that he finally found, he didn’t know what to do. What should he say? “I’m Jung Jaehyun,” maybe he should start with his name first.

“I’m Kim Doyoung,”

Doyoung, so the name is Doyoung. Jaehyun felt bubbled popping inside him. He knew he was excited. “I’m ten years old,” he told his age, showed all his ten fingers with a flush of redness on his cheeks. 

Doyoung let out a chuckle. “Oh, I’m eleven years old. Apparently, I’m older,” he said, smiled.

Jaehyun then giggled, letting down his hands. He felt excited, wondered why? Maybe he should ask his grandmother later. His grandmother knew everything that Jaehyun didn’t know. “Do you always came here, hyung?” he asked. 

Doyoung blinked. He then nodded his head, “Sometimes.”

_Oh_. “I saw you the other day,” Jaehyun told. “I have been wanting to meet you, hyung,” he said, blushed apparently.

“You want to see me?”

Jaehyun nodded his head, almost rapidly. Eager showing want he had been wanting. 

Doyoung then showed his hand, grinned widely till showed his gummy. “You want to be friends?” he asked.

Jaehyun’s eyes twinkled, shined. “Can I?”

Doyoung giggled, nodded his head. 

Jaehyun grabbed Doyoung’s hand shook it. They both then sat under the tree, lean against it and talked about literally everything - mostly Jaehyun who told about himself while Doyoung just listened. Jaehyun was excited telling the older his life stories and he liked the older’s presence beside him.

Jaehyun then remembered that the day was supposed to be the last he will be staying in the neighbourhood and he was sad. He was just starting to make friends and they had no time. He lowered his head as he told about it to the older, felt sad. 

Jaehyun felt a heavy load on his head, he then looked up. Doyoung was smiling at him while his tiny hand on his head. He blinked his eyes while starting to become watery. “Hyung?”

Doyoung removed his hand from Jaehyun’s head. He then showed his hand, making a pinky swore. “We can just meet next summer. You’ll come next summer, right?” he asked.

“Of course!”

“I’ll wait for you, and we can play then!”

They made pinky swore, and Jaehyun had never felt excited for the next summer to come.

 

...


	2. 11 years old

**Age - 11 years old**

 

“Are we there yet, mom?”

Jaehyun’s mother let out a chuckle, turned behind her as she faced her son. “That’s the 10th time you ask, are you that excited, Jaehyun?” she asked, smiled looking at her son who was obviously pouting because she didn’t answer his question.

“I wanna meet Doyoung hyung,” Jaehyun pouted, crossed his arms against his chest. 

Doyoung, the person Jaehyun had been wanting to meet ever since. The story of his ten-year-old, the last year summer where he met the pretty boy. Never had once he forgotten about the boy. He had made a promise and he was definitely going to see him soon.

“I’m really curious on who this Doyoung is. You have been talking about him so much these days,” His mother complained but laughed a little. “Grandma even knows about this Doyoung,” she added.

“Oh really?” His father then said, driving but managed to listen to the conversation. “I’m jealous.”

Jaehyun thought a little. “Can he came to grandma’s house to play then?” he carefully asked. 

His mother shrugged, cool with it. She knew Jaehyun can be a bit lonely playing by himself. “Of course he can,” she said and Jaehyun cheered excitedly.

 

...

 

When they finally arrived at the hometown, after greeting his grandmother, eating a little, Jaehyun quickly made his way to the hill where he had promised.

They never contact ever since. They only promised that when it was summer, Doyoung will wait by the hill at that lone tree in the evening. Jaehyun had not told when he will come because he too didn’t know. He was just a little child, followed his parent plan. 

It had been two weeks since summer officially started and Jaehyun had been restless ever since. He wondered whether Doyoung would wait for him every day, or wondered Doyoung might get tired of waiting because waiting was never been fun.

Or that maybe Doyoung had forgotten about their promise.

Jaehyun was worried especially about that case. So he hurried toward the hill, about the time where Doyoung usually would be like he had told him last summer. He ran up the hill, again after completely sure that his shoelaces were tied perfectly tight. 

A shadow.

Jaehyun’s smile turned wide, his special dimples were vividly visible. He was sure it was Doyoung. That the older remembered their promise, that the older had waited for him. 

“Hyung!”

Jaehyun shouted, ran so fast because he wanted to see the older so badly. As he was getting closer, the shadow became clearer, and he was starting to get a perfect view of the older. Indeed, it was Doyoung.

Doyoung was smiling, waited.

Jaehyun arrived, catching his breath. His cheeks turned red due to the heat of his body produced from the result of running. But he managed to giggle even a bit as he stood in front of the older. “He-hello,” he shuttered a bit his word, still breathing hard.

Doyoung chuckled but replied the greet. “You came,” he said.

“Of course I will. I promised.”

“And here I thought, little Jaehyun would forget about me.”

Jaehyun shook his head, disagreed. “I would never!”

Doyoung let out a giggle. Asking Jaehyun to came closer and sat down under the tree so that they can talk for more, just like the last summer.

Jaehyun just obeyed.

 

...

 

“How long have you wait?” Jaehyun asked, looking down at his fingers.

“I always come here so hmm... every day I guess?” Doyoung leaned his head on the tree trunk, looking up at the tree’s branch. “This is my favourite place,” he added.

Jaehyun pursed his lip. “So, you don’t actually wait for me,” he said, somehow coming out as a complaint. A little disappointed.

Doyoung turned to look at the younger, chuckled. “I did wait for you, Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun then turned to the older. “Really?” he frowned, not trusting.

Doyoung nodded, “Really.”

“Okay, I believe you,” Jaehyun smiled eventually, trusting the older. Jaehyun then proceeded to talk about his days at the city where he lived, about his life and about how he been thinking about the older since. He then listened to whatever Doyoung told him, about the older’s life stories - the school, neighbourhood and his time. 

“Oh, my mum wants to meet you!”

Doyoung blinked his eyes, “You mother?”

Jaehyun nodded his head, beamed of happiness as he told the reason why. That he too wanted for the older to came and played with him at his grandmother’s house. 

“Oh, should I come?” Doyoung asked, there was a hint of hesitation. Maybe a little shy too.

“Yes, you should!”

“Alright,” Doyoung agreed and Jaehyun was happier than he already did. “I’ll come tomorrow,” he told, seeing how the day was getting dark. He had to go home, both of them had to go home now.

“See you tomorrow then hyung,”

They decided where to meet up and what time. Another pinky promise. 

 

...

 

The next day, Jaehyun had already told about Doyoung to his parent and his grandmother. Everyone was excited as they finally meeting this Doyoung boy that Jaehyun had been talking about. Jaehyun never shut up his mouth about Doyoung.

When it was closer to their meeting time, Jaehyun skipped toward the meeting place where he saw the older had ready waited for him. He was a little startled so he paced up his steps and was greeted by a laughing older.

They walked side by side, laughing with each other. In a few minutes, they arrived. Jaehyun proudly showed his grandmother’s house and also the yard where he played by himself for most of the time which earned a burst of laughter from the older.

As laughter built up, Jaehyun noticed his mother had already standing right behind the door. He grinned and gestured Doyoung to show his parent. 

Doyoung was a little surprised but he bowed as respect.

Jaehyun casually took Doyoung’s hand as he noticed that his mother was calling for them. He led the way, being all proud for some unknown reason - the feeling where he wanted to show off to the older. 

Doyoung smiled the entire time because Jaehyun looked so funny, trying too hard and _cute_.

Jaehyun introduced his mother, his father and his grandmother to Doyoung. They got dragged to the dining room and apparently snacks were prepared - everything was Jaehyun’s favourite. 

Doyoung ate while listening to what Jaehyun’s family asked him, he answered them everything. He also had to keep up with Jaehyun who kept on spoiling him with stuff - sharing. Even though he tried to decline the offer, the younger would coax him with pleading eyes. Doyoung couldn’t help it because Jaehyun was too cute to push away so he accepted just almost everything. 

They played for most of the time, sometimes Jaehyun’s father would join them but only stopped half-way because the adult was so tired to keep up with the younger energy. They would just laugh because it was funny.

It was late, almost dark and Doyoung thought he really had to go back home. He told about it to Jaehyun and also Jaehyun’s family. Everyone was so warm and telling him to be careful but Jaehyun was being bratty.

“Can’t you sleep over, hyung?”

Doyoung shook his head as his wrist being held by Jaehyun. “I can’t,” he answered, chuckled.

Jaehyun pouted, “But I still wanna play with you.”

“We can see each other tomorrow,”

“But-”

“-I have to go home, Jaehyun,” Doyoung said and this time he turned being stern. He had been soft toward the younger, following what the younger wants and needs. However, he can’t keep up with the younger’s spoil behaviour. 

“Jaehyun-ah, Doyoung have to go home. Stop being stubborn,” Jaehyun’s mother scold her child when she watched the scene right in front of her. 

Jaehyun pouted but he obeyed. Well, he didn’t want for Doyoung to hate him. It was just he was having fun and he wanted to spend time more and more. It was so turn off when their fun being cut off. “Fine,” he said, letting go of Doyoung’s hand. “See you tomorrow, hyung,” he said, feeling dejected.

Doyoung let out a sigh. He raised his hand and made a pinky swore. He showed it to the younger and said, “We’ll meet tomorrow at our tree at the same time, okay?”

Jaehyun’s face lighted up when he saw the pinky swore. He did it too and listened to what Doyoung had said. “Promise?”

“Promise,”

 

...

 

The next day and the very next for the whole week Jaehyun had stayed, they met and played the entire time. If people don’t know better, people would think both children was brothers or friends that had known for a long time. 

Jaehyun and Doyoung was so tight close, friendship blooming to the peak. But then end was nearing, it was time for Jaehyun to go back to his city life. 

Doyoung come when it was time for Jaehyun to go. Jaehyun’s parent was busy packing but little Jaehyun was moping right at the corner with his grandmother tried to comfort him which obviously ended fruitlessly. Jaehyun was still moping even though Doyoung came.

Doyoung greeted Jaehyun’s parent as he walked further to see the moping Jaehyun. He also greeted the old lady who greeted back with warm as always. He greeted Jaehyun but the kid was still mopping and didn’t react so Doyoung sneaky teased, “Oh, so you don’t want to see me now that you will be going back, huh.”

Jaehyun widened his eyes, immediately shook his head, looking at the sad looking older - mind you, Doyoung was just pretending but little Jaehyun was so innocent. “No!” he shouted, shook his head. “I would never,” he added.

Doyoung’s lip curved upward and started on laughing. 

Jaehyun blinked his eyes, trying to process everything. When he finally got the answer he pouted as he realised that the older was just teasing him. “Hyung,” he whined. 

Doyoung giggled. “Are you that sad?” he asked, curious.

“Of course I am!” Jaehyun said, stomped his feet. “Hyung not sad?” he then asked, wondering since he saw the older had only been smiling since before.

“I am sad,” Doyoung said. “But we are going to meet again, next summer right?” he added, knowing exactly Jaehyun answer would be. 

Jaehyun nodded his head. “But I’ll miss you,” he said, the tone turned a little low and sounded almost sad. He played with his fingers.

“You can call me then,” Doyoung suggested. “I’ll visit grandma and you can call me then,” he told. He turned aside and smiled at the old lady who just gave him a thumb up. “Would that be okay?” he asked Jaehyun. 

Jaehyun turned to his grandmother who nodding her head. He turned to see the older who was waiting for him to say. “I guess that would be fine,” he then said. “Every day?”

Doyoung gasped playfully and then he laughed, “Not every day but weekend?” it was impossible for him to come every day.

Jaehyun let out a sigh but nodded his head nevertheless. It was better than nothing. “Okay,” he agreed. Then, he made a pinky promise and showed it to the older. “Promise that hyung will come and answer my call,” he said, grinned.

Doyoung followed and also grinned, “Promise.”

 

...


	3. 15 Years Old

**Age - 15 years old**

 

Ever since then, every weekend (almost every weekend when they were not busy with school) Jaehyun would call and Doyoung was there to answer. They talked, talked and talked for more. Jaehyun would never felt tired by just talking to Doyoung so did the older. However, nothing beat when it came face to face. Meeting the older in flesh was even better. 

Every summer, Jaehyun would spend his week at his grandmother and he would meet Doyoung every day, by the hill or Jaehyun’s grandmother’s house. They played, talked or just spend time together. Sometimes, Doyoung even spent his night at Jaehyun’s grandmother’s house, slept by the younger’s side. It had to become a habit and a usual thing for them to do.

Four years had passed since Jaehyun’s eleven years old. He was fifth teen years old and Doyoung was older by one year. 

However, this year was different from the years before. Jaehyun’s grandmother had turned sick and mostly spend her time at health care. Unlike past years where Jaehyun had always come only during summer, this time, he had to come more often. He came especially to see his sick grandmother with Doyoung as a bonus. 

It was mid-spring, Jaehyun had come to visit his grandmother with his parent. They walked into her room in the health care, meeting with his grandmother and Doyoung. Apparently, Doyoung had come almost every day when he wasn’t busy to accompany her. 

“Doyoung hyung,”

Doyoung smiled, waved his hand as he stood from his seat. He greeted Jaehyun’s parent and proceeded to walk out. “I’ll be going then grandma,” he said.

“Already?” Jaehyun’s mother said, putting down the items she had brought. “You can stay for a while, Doyoung,” she told. Doyoung had been like her second child, apart of the family since she had known him. She also appreciated the child for staying by her mother in law side knowing that the sick lady would be so lonely in the health care.

Doyoung politely decline. He shook his head, “I don’t want to disturb your family time.” He said, eyeing Jaehyun who stayed by the corner silently.

“You never a bother, Doyoung,” Jaehyun’s father then said, smiling softly.

Doyoung chuckled, already used with the family after so many years of knowing. He knew that he wasn’t a bother for them and was thankful for their warm treatment. “But still, I just don’t want to disturb the family bond beside I have to go,” he said, bowed.

Jaehyun watched Doyoung walked toward him and was whispering something before the older disappeared from the room. 

_“If you want to see me, I’ll be at that hill.”_

Jaehyun walked toward his grandmother, feeling a little guilty because he didn’t say anything toward the older. 

“Why aren’t you talking to Doyoung, Jaehyun?”

Jaehyun looked up, it was his grandmother. He noticed that his parent was on the other side of the room so the conversation was only between him and his grandmother. “I-” he stopped, being speechless because he didn’t know why.

“Did you guys fight?” She asked, softly.

Jaehyun shook his head. No, they didn’t fight. Again, playing with his fingers when he felt either uneasy or nervous. He felt a hand on his hands, it was his grandmother. He stared at his grandmother, waiting for her to say anything.

“Then why?”

Jaehyun bit his lip, looking at his grandmother - face much paler than usual, wrinkle layer by layer yet still smiling. “I don’t know,” he softly answered. 

“Go talk to Doyoung,” She said, patting Jaehyun’s head slowly. “Maybe you will know what you don’t know,” she said, chuckled a little as she rested back her hand on her lap that covered by the white blanket. 

Jaehyun thought a little. Although he wasn’t sure, he also knew that his grandmother had always been right. His grandmother knew him the best. “Okay,” he said and then proceeded on telling his parent that he will be going to meet Doyoung.

 

...

 

Jaehyun walked toward the hill that Doyoung had told that he would be there. It wasn’t that far from health care as it was on the other side of the neighbourhood. Jaehyun walked up the hill, saw Doyoung sat under the tree as he had promised. 

“Doyoung hyung,” Jaehyun said, stood in front of the older who was closing his eyes. 

Fluttering his eyes opened, Doyoung gave a soft smile, “You came?”

Jaehyun’s kneed on the ground, feeling the grass and soil that he used too, in front of Doyoung. He was playing with his fingers again, looked up at the older who was just there staring at him. “I’m sorry,” he said after thinking a lot. He just ended up saying that because he didn’t know what to say. 

“Why?” 

Doyoung was talking slowly and soft, Jaehyun could feel his heart melt on the sound of it. The older was being patient with him. He rested his fingers on his lap, still looking at the older. “For ignoring you somehow,” he answered whatever crossed in his mind. 

“Are you worry about grandma?” Doyoung asked instead.

Jaehyun slowly nodded his head.

“Are you scared Jae?”

 _Jae_. Jaehyun froze. The older rarely called him that, and if he did, it meant that they were having a serious conversation. That Jaehyun should be more honest with himself and also with Doyoung. 

“Are you scared?” Doyoung asked again, setting his hand on Jaehyun’s. It was like he was calming the younger. 

Jaehyun’s eyes turned watery, he can felt the hot tears were threatening to fall but being a big boy, he held it. Not yet. Not yet. “Mom said that grandma is getting worse,” he told, remembering what his mother had told him in the past weeks, Indeed he was scared. That his grandmother wasn’t getting any better even though she had been treating for months. Old age they said.

Doyoung hummed understanding, gesturing Jaehyun to talk more. Jaehyun can felt the older was holding his hand tighter as if giving him strength that he felt he really needed it. “Mom said to just get ready because grandma might-” he can’t continue on saying. The word stuck in his throat. He really can’t say it. 

Doyoung knew. Doyoung knew even though Jaehyun didn’t say it. He watched as Jaehyun’s eyes widen and a trembling body. It pained seeing the younger like that so Doyoung moved closer, on his knees and hugged the younger. He carefully rubbed Jaehyun’s back with his other free hand.

Jaehyun closed his eyes, finally the tears streaming down his cheeks. He felt Doyoung’s warm all over his body, it felt nice though his mind was thinking about his grandmother. He didn’t want to lose her. 

His grandmother was a special existence in his life. She was the one who seemed to understand everything about him even more than his parent. She was the one who gestured Jaehyun to do things what he wanted, what he liked. She always there when he was having a problem or teen life crisis, and even solved the problem with him. She even played with him, the cool old lady. The foods that she made were Jaehyun’s favourite - nothing in the world could win against it. She wasn’t just his grandmother. She was his friend ever since he was born. Jaehyun can’t bear to let her go.

“Death is a must,” Doyoung whispered, resting his head on the younger’s shoulder. “But her existence will remain in your heart,” he added.

“I love her so much,” Jaehyun choked, cried. 

“I know you do,”

Jaehyun cried in Doyoung’s arms. He cried and cried for so much and Doyoung never tired on ensuring him. His grandmother was right - talk to Doyoung, he will know what he didn’t know. His grandmother was always right.

 

...

 

Death is a must - Doyoung wise words came true. 

That winter of the same year, Jaehyun’s grandmother died peacefully on the bed at the health care. It was shocking and not, in the same. They were asked to be prepared but death had never been easy.

Jaehyun was wearing his black suit, with a white armband. He sat by the side, staring blankly at his grandmother’s portrait surround by flowers - her favourite flowers. _She’s really gone._

Jaehyun hardly remembered how the funeral been going because he was too shocked to process the reality. But one thing that he knew was, Doyoung had always stayed by his side throughout the funeral.


	4. 19 years old

**Age - 19 years old**

 

Things weren’t the same since his grandmother died. Jaehyun’s family hardly gone to his grandmother’s house, the neighbourhood. The house was there but it was empty. It was hard for him and even for his parent to visit for a little while. 

Jaehyun seemed to lost his motivation too because it was his grandmother who was his pillar support. The hole gap that she left was so big for him to handle. But it wasn’t like he didn’t want to live, it was more it like he lost the spark in his life. Remembered, he was just a child. Not mature enough.

Doyoung.

Doyoung was there for him, not physically though (sadly). They lived far away, hardly even met - no, they had never met once ever since the funeral. But they do talked like they always promised, using the phone that they both finally got as the technology changed over time. 

They talked. They texted. 

But somewhere along the line, they lost contact. Jaehyun wasn’t sure how but as he thought back, it must be him the one who started it. He was the one who started on calling less and replying message less. He was the one who broke their promise.

It had been five years since then and Jaehyun had forgotten his time with Doyoung.

 

...

 

Age nineteen, Jaehyun had just graduated from high school. He was packing his old school work and even older things to recycle or just to throw away. He will be starting his life as an adult and a university student so he needed a new space.

As Jaehyun was cleaning, he found a rather old paper, coloured with crayon. He picked it up, stared intensely and finally remembered. “Doyoung,” he muttered under his breath.

Flashed with a bunch of memories, Jaehyun felt his heart crack a little. Oh, how could he forget one important person in his life? He stopped everything he was doing, still holding on the paper and made his way to his bed. He took out his phone and with shaking a hand, he dialed the number that he had saved a long time ago.

Out of service, they said. Of course. Jaehyun knew that it was useless because it had been such a long long time. He wondered if the older still remembered him. He wondered if the older was mad at him for cutting their only bond.

He wondered.

 

...

 

From that moment on, Doyoung had always been in his mind. Jaehyun was feeling more guiltier than ever - however, he too, missed the older as much. 

So, Jaehyun made a bold decision. He went to find Doyoung. Hence, he went to the neighbourhood alone. It was the beginning of summer, the same view, the countryside where he used to come back then. It had been such a long time he came. He missed it as much as it was heart breaking. Lots of memories creep out from the storage. 

Jaehyun stood in front of his grandmother’s house that left practically empty and a little deserted. He knew that his parent sometimes came to do some cleanup - they didn’t bear to sell the house - but he never stepped here ever since the funeral. He can’t come and would just end up crying, remembering his grandmother. That’s why when he told his parent that he will be coming here, they were shocked but happy nevertheless.

But that was in the past. Although it was still hard, he had moved on, finally. He can talk about her without feeling to cry anymore. Although it was still sad, he managed it eventually. Remembering the happy memories, he chuckled. Oh, he missed his grandmother.

Coming back did bring him a closer.

But that wasn’t the only thing that made Jaehyun back. He had one mission and it was to find Doyoung. And for that Jaehyun had realised something that he didn’t really know about Doyoung much. 

Jaehyun had never gone to Doyoung’s house, or met the older’s family. He groaned when he thought back. His little self would tell everything to Doyoung but never once he asked about the older. He probably did, maybe but he didn’t remember.

Again, guilty.

 

...

 

Jaehyun walked along the street, trying to remember if he could detect anything about Doyoung. Sometimes he would ask the people he met at the street but no one seemed to know about the said person. 

Then he arrived at one store. It looked familiar for some reason and Jaehyun chose to walk inside. He met with the owner who was an older man. He asked, “Sir did you know anyone named Kim Doyoung?”

Jaehyun waited as the old man was thinking but instead on an answer, he got a question instead. 

“Are you the grandchild of Mrs. Jung from the cherry farm?”

Jaehyun blinked his eyes, knowing that the old man was talking about his grandmother so he nodded his head. There he found out that the old man which the owner of this store that he had been once frequently visited back then - the one where he always brought his ice creams. They talked a little between them and then their conversation flow back to the original purpose.

“Doyoung, ah Kim Doyoung,” the old man nodded his head when he finally remembered. 

Jaehyun waited. 

“That kid used to came here as well, most the time but if I remember correctly, the kid had moved away from here.”

“Move?”

“Yes, apparently his parent divorced so he had to move away. I think he was sent to stay with someone else.”

“Send away?” Jaehyun mumbled confusedly. _Not staying with one of his parents?_

“I think it was one of his uncles but I’m not sure myself,” the old man shrugged. “I’m not even sure where,”

Jaehyun gave a smile, thanked the old man. He then walked out from the store with many thoughts running in his mind. Although he found out a little about Doyoung, the older had gone for good from the neighbourhood. Now, how was he going to find the older? 

 

...

 

Jaehyun knew that his chance had turned zero. He felt dejected hence he walked to the most familiar place among the neighbourhood - the hill. Along the way, he could see there was a lot of change but at the same time, nothing really changed. It felt the same yet not. Weird but that was how he felt. 

However, the hill had remained the same. Jaehyun could still see that lone gigantic tree on that canter of the hill. Step by step he walked, glancing at his shoes, chuckled at the thought of old memory. 

Jaehyun stood in front of the tree and smiled, “Hello, Mr. Tree.”

He touched the trunk of the tree, eyes turned soft at the sight of words craved on it. He gave a small smile, closed his eyes, remembering about old memory.

 

      
_“Jang jang!” Teen Jaehyun showed a tool he held to Doyoung, smugly. He then let out loud laughter as he watched Doyoung’s confused face._  


      
_Doyoung frowned and then said, “What is it?”_  


      
_Jaehyun then gave a sheepish smile and then grabbed on Doyoung’s hand with his free hand. He pulled the older closer to him, closer to the tree right behind them. “Here,” he showed at the trunk of the tree._  


      
_Doyoung was still confused, “What?”_  


      
_“Let’s carve something here,”_  


      
_Doyoung let out a sound, finally understanding what made the younger being over excited. But then he said, “I don’t think we should carve at this poor tree.”_  


      
_“Eh, I think it will be fine,”_  


      
_“But-”_  


      
_“-how about just tiny craving?”_  


      
_“Tiny?”_  


      
_Jaehyun thought a little. He then shook his head, “Small.” Asking for a better proposal._  


      
_“What do you want to carve anyway?”_  


      
_“Our name!”_  


      
_“Our name?”_  


      
_Jaehyun nodded his head. “We met here so this place is special. I just thought we can put something here as a memory. Isn’t that nice?”_  


      
_Doyoung nodded his head, understood. “But if we can remember each other. I don’t think we need something to justify that.”_  


      
_“I know,” Jaehyun said, a little frustrated because it was always hard to win an argument against the older. “Can’t we just do it?” he asked instead, with pleading eyes - his special move because he had no choice._  


      
_Doyoung rolled his eyes, let out a sigh. “Fine!”_  


      
_Jaehyun’s lip curved upward, knowing that his plan had worked. He then pulled the older much closer and started on carving their names._  


      
_**JH & DY** \- simple like that._  


 

...

 

Jaehyun ran his fingers at the old carve that had still been there, their names. Like he had expected, the craving last long. It was definitely served its sole purposed as a memorable piece in their life, in his life. 

“Hey, Tree-san,” Jaehyun said, looking at the letter D and Y. “I lost him. What should I do?” 

Jaehyun let out a sigh, many thoughts passed through his mind. Old memories, about Doyoung, about Doyoung and mostly about Doyoung.

It was funny how the last past years, Jaehyun had forgotten about the older but now, Doyoung was the one thing in his mind. Just because he found a paper from back then that remind him back about the older. Was it fair to felt like this? Jaehyun had thought so. He was indeed selfish.

Doyoung had always been there by his side, and Jaehyun was sure even during his weakest state when he lost his grandmother, Doyoung was there. Time past, though he still talked to Doyoung, eventually he just dropped it because Doyoung unconsciously reminded him of his grandmother. So he childishly ended it, forgetting. 

He was in wrong. 

Jaehyun wondered, what Doyoung had felt back then. 

Worse when he thought so many negative feeling.

Even if he could find Doyoung, meeting back the older, what kind of excuse should he said? That he was a just a child back then, everything was a mess, that he made a stupid mistake?

Maybe nothing, maybe he should say nothing and just apologized.

That if Jaehyun could find Kim Doyoung.


	5. 20 years old

**Age - 20 years old**

It was the first year of his university life. Jaehyun got into a great university, leaving his home for the first time as he was living in a dorm. He was having a great life as a university student. Studying for his major, meeting good friends, a little bit of partying and eventually started to have a romantic relationship. 

However, his relationship didn’t last that long, just about three months. It wasn’t a bad break up, it was rather mutual where both parties felt something not right between them. That they were obviously not for each other. 

Jaehyun wasn’t the one who asked for the breakup but it wasn’t shocking as it seemed. He knew it coming, So when his partner (now his ex) told him that, he understood and agreed because he too, didn’t felt the same. Love wasn’t there somehow. It was empty.

“How do you know its love, Johnny?”

Johnny, Jaehyun’s friend of the same major looked at the younger weirdly. Remembering how the younger had just been through a break up, understood what it was about and answered, “When you can’t stop staring at them, when you felt like you’re high, you always think about them, you want them to be happy, and have the desire to make them, yours.”

“That’s...” Jaehyun turned speechless. “-a lot,” he frowned, thinking. 

Johnny shrugged, “There’s more but that’s the most important.” his eyes, watched as the younger who appeared been having a deep thought. “Is this about Jungwoo?” he asked.

Jaehyun snapped from his thought at the mention of his ex-lover. He gave a small smile to the older and nodded his head, “We didn’t work out. I still feel sad about it but it isn’t painful. I gave it a thought but honestly what I’m having for him isn’t love but just attraction.”

Johnny nodded his head. 

“I don’t think I been really in love with someone,” Jaehyun mumbled. 

Johnny tilted his head and asked, “How about that Doyoung guy you been searching?”

_Doyoung?_ Jaehyun had told about Doyoung to Johnny and Johnny practically knew most of his past stuff about Doyoung since he was still searching for the said person so it wasn’t surprising that Johnny mentioned him. But what surprising was how Doyoung fit in this conversation. “What about Doyoung?” he asked back. 

“I thought you like him?”

“I do like him,” it was a matter of fact. Of course, Jaehyun liked Doyoung. Doyoung was everything wonderful in his life. Of course, he liked Doyoung.

“Yeah,” Johnny said. “I thought you _love_ Doyoung,” he emphasised the word, making the younger understood what he was talking about. 

“I-” the word stuck in his throat and Jaehyun started to think back. Did he love Doyoung? As in romance? How? Why did Johnny think that? “-what makes you think that?” he asked eventually. 

“Because all you talk about is Doyoung, Doyoung, and Doyoung,” Johnny said, explained somehow. “I seriously thought you do like him at one point, still now and I must say, I was honestly surprised to hear that you started on dating Jungwoo.”

“Did I talk about Doyoung that much?”

“So much that I felt like I know this Doyoung already,”

“So I like him?” Jaehyun said, unsure. “-like, like him?” he added, emphasised the like as a different type of like.

“Why don’t you think about it carefully, Jaehyun?” Johnny then said, putting his hand on Jaehyun’s shoulder. “I could be wrong but what matter is what you really think.” He wished he could help the younger but when it came to the heart problem, he could only guide. The person itself had to think and made the decision. 

Jaehyun looked down at his nervous fingers. _Doyoung hyung_.

 

...

 

After his talks with Johnny, Jaehyun gave a lot of thoughts. He thought so hard and hardly got any sleep.

**When you can’t stop staring at them** \- Yes, back then he can’t stop staring at Doyoung because Doyoung was the definition of beautiful. 

**When you felt like you’re high** \- This might be true he thought but because they were teen back then, he wasn’t entirely sure.

**You always think about them** \- A Jaehyun always think about a Doyoung. 

**You want them to be happy** \- Jaehyun had always thought that Doyoung’s smiling face was one of the best parts. That smile when the older showed his gummy. That little laughter that came after. 

**Have the desire to make them, yours** \- But this, Jaehyun wasn’t sure. Really?

Jaehyun arrived at no conclusion at all. Because the Doyoung that he knew was the past Doyoung. He wasn’t sure it was love. But he did like Doyoung so much even though he had well, forgotten about the older for a little time.

 

...

 

Jaehyun walked into a bar that Johnny and his friends booked for a birthday party celebration that summer. He found his friends, met new people, talked a little, met the birthday boy, wished happiness and then off to the drink bar since he was turning rather thirsty. 

Jaehyun found an empty seat, sat immediately and looked for the waiter for a nice drink. The waiter walked toward him, Jaehyun couldn’t help but to feel the familiarity and there he just let out loud against the loud music at the background. “Do-doyoung hyung?” he said, widening his eyes, stared intensely at the male in front of him.

“May I know what would like to drink, sir?”

Jaehyun ignored the waiter - Doyoung - question, noticed the name tag and it was written ‘Kim Doyoung’ on it. He was sure. Of course, even after years, he could recognised that sharp jaw, a little pointy yet beautiful eyes, and that the male was the beautiful Doyoung he had known. “Doyoung hyung, it’s you right?” he asked again. “It’s me Jaehyun,” he told himself.

Doyoung let out a sigh. “Yeah, I do recognized you, Jaehyun.”

It was true. He was right. Jaehyun’s lip curved upward, smiling so brightly that he had finally met his Doyoung back. _HIS?_ “Long time no see, hyung?”

Doyoung nodded his head, a little clear that he was showing no interest. “Long time no see, Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun then suddenly turned nervous and a little anxious. There was obviously distance between them and it was his fault that made that distance. He knew that fact. He was thinking that maybe Doyoung wasn’t really happy to see him as much as he did. Not that he blamed the older but it didn’t mean that he didn’t felt a little sad. He missed the older. “I’m sorry,” he apologized, remembering that was the first thing he wanted to say the moment he met Doyoung.

“Why?”

“We got cut off. I haven’t been really a good friend, practically ignoring you, hyung.”

“Oh, that.”

“Yeah, that,”

“Well, yeah sure. Whatever,”

Jaehyun watched Doyoung again wasn’t happy still. This was tough that he thought it would be. Even though he had apologized and that Doyoung seemed to say that he had forgiven, it didn’t feel like he was really forgiven. “You’re still mad,” he said, ignoring the loud pumping music the DJ played. His only focus was the male in front of him.

“Maybe I do,” Doyoung rolled his eyes.

“Doyoung hyung, can we talk?” _not here, somewhere._

“I’m working, Jaehyun.”

“Maybe another time,”

“I’m busy,”

“Hyung-”

“-cut the slack. What is it that you want Jaehyun?”

Doyoung was annoyed, Jaehyun could tell by the speech. It was getting rough. Something that he didn’t know the older was capable of. “I want us to be friends back,” he said, thinking it was better if he said it straight forward since that what the older want.

“Oh that,” Doyoung said. “Of course that,” he repeated. Then he shook his head, “No, I don’t want.”

“Doyoung hyung, please,”

“Knowing you were great back then but you weren’t there the moment I need you the most. What kind of friend is that Jung Jaehyun?” he said, picking a glass of water and put it in front of Jaehyun. “Yours,” he said and then left to attend another customer.

Jaehyun stared at the glass, felt shame at himself. 

 

...

 

Jaehyun thought of giving up, really. But he then stared at the drawing paper he did with Doyoung back then, he felt unsettled. 

He thought Johnny about his meeting with Doyoung and the only thing Johnny told him that stuck in his mind was - _“That’s it? Are you giving up this easily after all those searching?”_

Jaehyun honestly didn’t know. He knew for sure he didn’t have the right but still, he wanted Doyoung. There, suddenly it clicked in his mind. He wanted Doyoung. He wanted Doyoung for himself. Maybe he does love Doyoung.

So Jaehyun came back again at the bar after a week. He went around the same time on that same day thinking it would match Doyoung’s shift. And it did. He met Doyoung again, at the bar, and the older was serving drinks for the customer. 

Doyoung apparently didn’t notice the presence of Jaehyun so Jaehyun quietly went for a seat by the corner end. He racked his brain for what he should do but even though he perfectly structure a good conversation in his head, he knew when he met eyes with the older, it would ruin anyway.

“What would you-” Doyoung stopped. “-Jaehyun,” he let out a small sigh. 

“Hello,”

“What are you doing here?”

“Seeing you,”

“I don’t have time for you,”

“You don’t have to. I’ll just here, drink and then left,”

Doyoung stayed silence, looking at the younger, thinking what the man up to. 

“I’ll just watch you,” Jaehyun said, a little soft. _Okay, that sounds so wrong._ “I mean, I’ll just sit here. I won’t disturb you.”

“Whatever,” Doyoung rolled his eyes. He ignored the younger and continued doing his job. He asked what Jaehyun want to drink and then prepared; having the business relationship only.

And true to his words, Jaehyun just sat there, drank his stuff and then left. Although he never forgot to bid goodbye at the older. The older hadn’t acknowledged himself yet but Jaehyun thought it that time would change what happened between them. Slowly but maybe.

So, Jaehyun went again to the bar, especially on Doyoung’s shift and did his thing. Sat, drank and left. He said hello and then goodbye. They didn’t do conversation but only Jaehyun watched Doyoung’s working. 

“So, you’re Doyoung’s friend?”

Jaehyun blinked his eyes and then nodded his head looking at the man in front of him. Nakamoto Yuta, another bar waiter that worked alongside with Doyoung. Jaehyun met the older a few time, well most of the times because the man had the same shift with Doyoung. It had been a month since, and Jaehyun could tell that Yuta probably been itchy to talk to him because he was only in the bar for Doyoung. 

Yuta chuckled, “But you only sit here and do nothing but watching him.” He glanced at his co-worker who was at the other side of the counter, busy entertaining other customers.

“We haven’t seen each other for a long time,” Jaehyun didn’t know why he was saying it but he did. Something about the man felt a familiarity. Weird but that was how he felt. “And the way we stopped was not that great,” he added. 

Yuta nodded his head, understood. “Do you like him? I mean, do you love him?” he asked, curious.

It was that question. “Does it look like that?” Jaehyun asked. Was that how everyone thought of him. 

Yuta raised his eyebrow and said, “You’re not?” he took an empty glass by the bar and wiped it as he said, “You are here every time Doyoung’s shift and you been looking at him the entire time. If that is not love, then what is it?”

Jaehyun let out a dry chuckled, “Yeah, I do love him.” so much he thought it now. 

Yuta suddenly felt a little pity at the younger. “I don’t know that much about Doyoung. We haven’t really known each other that long but I do know one thing.”

“What?”

“He may look like he was showing disinterest on you but in my eyes, he did feel bothered about you and that is not a bad way.” Yuta smiled. “Don’t give up buddy and try harder.”

Jaehyun gave a smile too, glancing at Doyoung who was laughing. Doyoung was just laughing but Jaehyun could tell, it was fake. And it pained his heart to see that kind of person Doyoung had become. He wanted to change that. To give Doyoung lots of happiness that the older deserved. “I will, thanks Yuta.”


	6. 21 years old

**Age - 21 years old**

 

Every day, from the summer he first found Doyoung again, he came by the bar when he wasn’t that busy. Jaehyun was still a university student, he had a lot of stuff to do but still, he can’t let go of Doyoung. They needed to talk for sure. Jaehyun didn't want to give up without doing anything yet.

It was February, and Jaehyun remembered the month of they born. It was Doyoung’s birthday too. So, he thought of buying something for the older but he also had the feeling that the older might not accept his gift. Hence, what he had brought, he kept it, thinking he would give it in the future. 

Jaehyun walked into the bar, greeting the workers there with a smile since he already been friends with most of them even the owner - they were all so kind. 1st February, night, Doyoung was working. Jaehyun thought maybe he should at least go and talked - wished a birthday maybe. 

“Good evening, hyung,”

Doyoung looked up, stared for a while and gave a small smile, “Good evening.”

A smile. Something that Jaehyun didn’t expect and yet still happy to receive nevertheless. But that smile did make him turned a little nervous more than usual. “I,” he started. “I just want to say happy birthday,” he added, smiled the brightest he could.

“Thank you,” Doyoung quietly responded. “Haven’t heard that for quite a while,” he mumbled. 

_a while?_ Jaehyun blinked his eyes, opened his mouth to say something but Doyoung cut him off. Again, taken aback.

“Will you wait for me today?” Doyoung asked, lowered his gaze at something that was not Jaehyun’s face.

Jaehyun stared for seconds, trying to process what he had heard. His lip curved upward and rapidly nodded his head. “I’ll wait for you,” YES!

Doyoung walked away then, leaving Jaehyun who still in trance. His heart was beating loud he thought, really against the music playing at the background. He was excited. He went for his usual seat and met eyes with Yuta.

“Good for you, kid,”

Jaehyun smiled, knowing that Yuta probably heard them. Really, the wait worth it and he surely needed to make it right this time.

 

...

 

Jaehyun waited outside the bar, waiting for Doyoung to finish his job. He blew on air, breathe the cold weather, smoke came out. He shoved his hands in his coat’s pocket since he forgot to bring his gloves, as he sat on top the iron fence in front of the bar. 

Jaehyun turned his face behind him when he heard the door being opened, relieved to see Doyoung. He jumped off from the fence, stood on his feet, waited for Doyoung to come beside him. 

“Let’s go somewhere warm,”

Jaehyun nodded his head. 

“And then we talk,”

Jaehyun nodded his head again. “Okay,”

 

...

 

It was late by the time Doyoung off from work so it was hard to find a place where they can go and talk. Jaehyun stayed in a dorm so he can’t really offer a place for the older to come. But somehow, they managed to spot a lone snack shop that still opened. Luckily, for them. 

They ordered a little snack, beers for both of them. They sat at one corner, opposite to each other. Silently waited for their food to be served, Jaehyun was watching Doyoung intensely. Should he start the conversation? What should he say first? Apologized?

“I have been thinking for a while,”

Jaehyun snapped from his thoughts as he heard Doyoung started on talking. He focused on the older immediately. 

Doyoung wasn’t looking at Jaehyun. He was looking at the outside view, as they sat by the window. “What makes you suddenly find me?” he asked, looking back at the younger. “I know you have forgotten about me.”

That shit hurt. But Doyoung was right. Jaehyun had forgotten about the older, suddenly found a piece of paper that made him remembered and suddenly feeling caught up. It was silly and weird. His lip felt dried. “I admit, I really had forgotten about us,” he responded, might as well just be honest. “This sounds like an excuse because it is, but I really don’t know how and why I did that. Life caught up and I just left you like that,” he said. “And grandma, mainly because of grandma,” he added. “Hyung, you know right? How much grandma means to me,” he asked. 

Doyoung nodded his head, agreed.

“When grandma died, I just felt my life wasn’t as it should be. It was weird and I just want to forget about the loss. We talked back then, I remembered you were comforting me but deep down, I might push you away because hyung, you make me remembered about grandma so much. I didn’t go to grandma’s house ever since then,” Jaehyun told. “I’m sorry I pushed you away and when I think back it was so stupid of me because of hyung, you mean a lot to me,”

Doyoung gave a dry chuckled, “You didn’t make any sense, Jaehyun.” _it's unfair._

“I know,” Jaehyun agreed. He too didn’t know what the hell he was talking about. “I know that very well,” he added. “We were young back then. Kids don’t make any sense in the first place,”

“I don’t know what to feel,”

“Will you forgive me, hyung?”

“I don’t know, being cut off really hurt when you’re the one that begs me to stay in contact,”

“I am stupid,”

Doyoung thought for a while, silence lingering around them but Jaehyun was willingly waiting for him to say something first. Honestly, he didn’t know what to feel, what to do but he wasn't grudging against Jaehyun. He was hurt indeed but maybe, maybe things could change. “Alright, I forgive you,” Doyoung then said. “-in one condition,”

“What?”

“Stay by my side, don’t leave me again,”

Jaehyun smiled, “I promise that.” He can do that.

Their bond was still thin. They had known for so long but there was a blank between them. Time will mend this thin bond between them. They will talked, spent their time with each other and get to know each other more. People changed, they weren’t the same person anymore, Jaehyun was sure about that. 

Jaehyun still thought he was stupid but it didn’t matter as long as he made the right choice. Doyoung asked him to stay and so he did. Was there even for him to think? No, he already knew the answer without even question himself. 

Because it was Doyoung, and Jaehyun thought it worth a thousand of promise.

 

...

 

They spent their summer, almost meeting each other. Doyoung still had his job, in fact, he had a lot of jobs. Jaehyun had asked why there were so many jobs that Doyoung had taken. Doyoung simply replied. 

“I need money,”

Jaehyun didn’t question anymore because, by the look, Doyoung wasn’t going to tell him. Doyoung was still a bit distance. 

They were friends but just friends. There were walls around Doyoung. One moment Jaehyun thought he had broken one of those walls but it was failed attempt. Doyoung had changed, really changed. 

Doyoung smiled a lot these days, Yuta had told him so. But Jaehyun still thought it wasn’t enough. The smile he had witnessed back during their childhood was even larger. He really missed those. 

One day, Doyoung came to Jaehyun asked for something, favour. 

“My mom is getting marry, will you accompany me for the wedding?” 

Jaehyun watched as the older’s eyes shaken as he asked. Clearly nervous. Jaehyun had known about Doyoung’s parent being divorce but he had never really asked about it to the older. He thought it was too personal and Doyoung, Doyoung never really talked about his family when they hanged out together. So, he wasn’t really expecting this kind of invitation. But Jaehyun had promised Doyoung that he would stay by Doyoung’s side no matter what happened. “I will,” he said, nodded his head. “I’ll follow you,” he added, reaching for the older’s hand, touching Doyoung’s fingers, just to calm down the older. 

Doyoung gave a small smile. “Thank you,” he said softly.

 

...

 

It was the wedding day, around autumn where the trees were basically red, yellow and brown. It was a garden type of wedding so it was so beautifully decorated, even though it was a little bit chilly. But everyone was having their own time, happy except for one. 

Jaehyun stood by Doyoung’s side the entire time. He finally met Doyoung’s mother for the first time. He watched the family bond between Doyoung and his mother, but clearly, there was awkwardness between them. 

Doyoung was faking his smile, Jaehyun could tell that. So, when the bride and groom were at the altar, Jaehyun held on Doyoung’s hand, knowing that the older was so nervous. He turned to look at the older. Doyoung was watching him too. 

Cheers at the background, Jaehyun guessed that the couple had finished their vow and kissed. But Jaehyun was still staring at Doyoung and so did the older. He gave a smile as he felt Doyoung’s tighten their hands. 

“Thanks,” Doyoung said.

“You’re welcome,”

Doyoung turned back and looked at the couple but Jaehyun was still looking at Doyoung.

 

...

 

The ride back home was silent. Jaehyun didn’t want to force the older to talk so he gave the older some space. He thought that maybe, the older will talk to him when he wanted to. And Jaehyun will be there no matter what. He will listen.

They were in front of Doyoung’s house. Small but just enough for one person. Jaehyun was going to bid goodbye now that he was sure, the older safe at home. 

“Stay,”

Jaehyun looked at Doyoung. “Hyung,”

“Stay, please stay,”

There, finally, Jaehyun saw Doyoung broke down. It really ached his heart looking at the older like that. He made his way to the older, wrapped the older in his arms, hugged. Stroking the older’s hair while listening to the cries that the older made. “I’m staying,” he whispered.

 

...

 

Jaehyun stayed for the night. They didn’t do anything and just cuddled on the bed. Jaehyun held on the older tightly in his arms, so scared to let the older go. He thought that if he did, Doyoung might disappear. A metaphor.

“Jaehyun,” Doyoung’s voice turned hoarse due to the crying. He grabbed Jaehyun’s shirt and held it tightly. “Am I unwanted?”

Jaehyun’s heart dropped. “You’re not,”

“Mom and dad left me,” Doyoung said. “Grandma left me,” he added, talking about Jaehyun’s grandmother. “You left me too,” he said, squeezed his eyes shut.

Jaehyun wondered if this what Doyoung had thought about him. Oh, did he made Doyoung thought like this? Jaehyun felt like crying too because Doyoung didn’t deserve to be treated like this. He unconsciously kissed Doyoung’s forehead, saying anything to ensure the older. That he had never meant to make the older think like that. That Doyoung wasn’t an unwanted child. 

 

...

 

That night, Jaehyun had finally known about Doyoung’s childhood life. Doyoung had broken all his walls and told it to Jaehyun. Jaehyun had never been so thankful but at the same time blamed himself for not being there for the older. 

Doyoung’s family had always been like that, no love between each other. Doyoung as a child didn’t know that, he thought it was normal He thought his family was normal until he met Jaehyun. Jaehyun’s family was at a different level from him. Jaehyun’s family was full of love.

For the first time, Doyoung had seen through his family emptiness. He then learned that his parent had never loved each other that they only married because of their own parents - arranged marriage. That he was born, unloving. 

One of the reasons why Doyoung always hang out at that hill because it made him felt normal. Nature calmed down his nerves. That he could forget being strong and pretended to be strong.

He also met Jaehyun there that summer, spending his time, most of his time at grandma’s house with Jaehyun. He felt love, warmth, and happiness for the very first time. It made him forgot the coldness of his own house.

Even though it wasn’t Summer where he couldn’t meet Jaehyun, Doyoung always made his way to spend time with grandma, Jaehyun’s grandmother. Another person he found comfort with. Someone that could make he stayed sane. 

It was then gone downhill when Jaehyun’s grandmother died. Jaehyun was leaving him soon but he understood though. Doyoung understood that Jaehyun was hurt too. But it wasn’t fair at the same time, he felt. It wasn’t fair for him to being cut off. 

Doyoung couldn’t go to grandma’s house like he used to do so he had no one. The hill was where he spent most of his time because he hardly had any friends either. When summer came, Doyoung would try to peak at grandma’s house, wondering if Jaehyun came to visit. He saw a car, Jaehyun’s parent and just that. Doyoung made the conclusion that Jaehyun had forgotten about him when he saw his texts were not getting any replied anymore.

Months past so fast that Doyoung received news that his parent finally divorcing. He already knew it was coming but it was still hurt to hear it came true. But what made it more hurt when his parent didn’t ask for him to stay. He didn’t have any choice to stay with either of his parents. They didn’t want him. They wanted to live as single, a solo person. 

Doyoung was thrown to care by his uncle, away from the neighbourhood, a new place, a new city. His uncle was nice, really. He was fun but Doyoung was too broken to stay positive. So when he finished high school, he immediately found a job and worked. He even moved out of his uncle’s house because he didn’t want to burden the person. 

This was Doyoung’s life. Sounded tragic, huh?

 

...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanna cry writing this chapter. I don't what the hell I just write TAT save my soul!!!  
> but anyways, it's almost over and the next update is the last chapter so see you next week!


	7. 22 years old

**Age - 22 years old**

 

Doyoung had becoming more open since then, especially toward Jaehyun. Doyoung had smiled more, talking much more, even letting himself being free in front of Jaehyun. Jaehyun was happy to see the change. 

“I’m happy,”

Jaehyun was in Doyoung’s house to hang out since Doyoung didn’t have any work. They were in the living room, watching something on the television. Jaehyun sat in front of Doyoung on the floor while Doyoung sat behind him on the couch like any typical romance scene. “You’re happy?” he asked, curious of why the sudden.

Doyoung played Jaehyun’s hair, not bothering to watch the show played. “Things had been hard these past years. I just never felt this light and happy,” he said, smiled. 

Jaehyun looked up, also smiling. “Is it because of me?”

Doyoung giggled, “It is because of you.” He stopped playing with Jaehyun’s hair.

Jaehyun turned around, body facing the older. Knees on the ground; stood like that, he stared at the older. Looking at every inch of Doyoung’s face. So beautiful, he thought. And also so pretty, he always realised this fact. “I have something to say and ask,” he suddenly said, grabbing Doyoung’s hand, on one hand, brushing Doyoung’s hair with another hand. 

“What is it?”

“I like you. I like you so much,” Jaehyun confessed, the buried feeling, that he was certain about his feeling for the older, he wanted to tell the older. They spend most of their times together. Would it be a lie for Jaehyun for not falling in love into Doyoung? “I love you, Doyoung,”

Jaehyun noticed the tear dropped on Doyoung’s cheek as the older was staring at him. He quickly wiped the tear away. “Hyung?” he asked, carefully and softly. Anxiously wondering what the older was thinking. 

“I like you too, Jae,” Doyoung smiled eventually. “Love, I love you too,”

Jae. Jaehyun remembered. It was his nickname that Doyoung used for a serious matter. So, Jaehyun trusted this. “Wonderful,” he muttered, heart, beating in melodic tempo. “Are we lovers now?”

Doyoung chuckled and nodded his head. “I just need you, only you.”

Jaehyun smiled again. He moved closer, closed his eyes and land his lip on Doyoung’s lip. They kissed, heated and passionately yet sweetly.

 

...

 

Having a relationship with Doyoung was similar like they normally do except it was better. Jaehyun could call Doyoung any time he wanted without feeling the worry that he might disturb the older. Jaehyun could go and met Doyoung any time he wanted. Jaehyun could hold on Doyoung more than just holding hands. Jaehyun could touch Doyoung, much to he pleased. Jaehyun could kiss as much as he wanted. Jaehyun could just express all his love for Doyoung. And what was most he loved was when he saw Doyoung was laughing and he was the one that made it. 

It was almost summer, thus Jaehyun thought of something. 

“Hyung?”

“Hmm?”

“Should we visit grandma’s house this summer?”

Doyoung turned to face Jaehyun, blinked his eyes. “Should we?” he asked, unsure.

Jaehyun gave a smile, brushing gently Doyoung’s hair. “If you didn’t want to go then it’s fine. I’ll just go by myself,” he said, ensured that it was okay for the older to not wanting to come. Although he did admit, it was better if they could go together. 

Doyoung gave a thought. “I’ll go with you,” he said eventually.

Jaehyun looked at the older worriedly. “Are you sure? I don’t want to force you if you aren’t ready,” he said. Maybe it was cruel for him to ask, knowing that it probably hurt the older because the place held painful memories for the older. Jaehyun was selfish, he knew that.

Doyoung shook his head, “I’ll go. I have to go there soon or later.”

Jaehyun kissed Doyoung’s forehead. 

 

...

 

Summer came so fast and they already arrived at Jaehyun’s grandmother house, the place where Doyoung had born. 

“It been a while, it looks the same,” Doyoung said, looking at the place. Old memories flashed in his mind but most of it was happy memories. 

“It does isn’t it,” Jaehyun then said, agreed on the older. 

They repacked their things, made themselves comfortable in the house as they rested themselves after a long journey. For the first day, they just spent their time around the house, talking and more talking as they reminisced the old memories. 

The next day, Jaehyun dragged Doyoung out. They followed the trace for their childhood, met the old man at the mart at that corner where Jaehyun brought his ice cream. They chatted and laughed for more.

Steps were getting many, they eventually found themselves on a very familiar hill. Both of them stood right at the end and looked up far and saw the very old lone tree was still there.

“Remember this hill?” Jaehyun asked, held on Doyoung’s hand.

Doyoung rolled his eyes. “How could I forgot?” he said.

Jaehyun gave loud laughter. “Let’s climb and go up there,” he said, pointed at the tree with his other free hand.

Doyoung chuckled, nodded his head.

 

... 

 

“Look hyung, remembered this?” Jaehyun said as soon as they arrived up at the hill. He dragged the older closer to the tree and pointed at the trunk.

Doyoung looked at it in curiosity. He then saw it. Ah. He smiled upon seeing it. “I remembered,” he softly answered. “You are being so childish back then,” he added, teased the younger.

Jaehyun rolled his eyes but chuckled. “Sorry for being childish but I was right, right?” he said, smug suddenly. “It last this long, this crave of our names,” he added, glancing at the crave of their names.

Doyoung nodded his head, admitted defeatedly as Jaehyun was right. It did last long. “We really have our history here, huh?”

“It feels magical,”

“It did,”

“I’m so glad that I met you here, hyung,”

“I did too, meeting you here,”

“Although I did some stupid mistake along the way,”

“We're a child back then, Jaehyun,”

“I know but I still feel regret,”

“Don’t be,” Doyoung tighten the grip of their hands. He brushed Jaehyun’s hair, looking at Jaehyun’s eyes as he smiled. “There's probably a reason for that,”

“But-”

“-we are together now. Are you regretting that?”

Jaehyun shook his head, quickly denied. “I would never,”

Doyoung grinned, “Then, it’s fine.” He played with Jaehyun’s hair for more as he said, “I do admit, things were hard back then and still now. My family wasn’t the best but I’m so glad to meet you back then and for you to found me again.”

“I love you,” Jaehyun moved to kiss Doyoung. “I love you so much,”

“I love you too,”

 

....

 

How many years had that been? Jaehyun was ten years old when he met Doyoung. It was a blessing. Jaehyun was eleven years old when they were starting to get close. The time where he was super excited to spend his summer with the older. 

Jaehyun was fifteen years old when his grandmother died and everything went downhill for that on. He was too affected by his grandmother’s death that he tried to push away everything and everyone. 

Jaehyun was nineteen years old when he finally remembered back about Doyoung. He was starting to see his life on a different side. Finally accepting his grandmother’s death. But it was also the year where he learned that Doyoung had gone and he couldn’t find the older.

Jaehyun was twenty years old when he met Doyoung again. It was either coincidently or maybe it was fate that brought them closer. It was the year that he realised that maybe Doyoung meant a lot more in his life than he thought. But Doyoung was pushing him away, making it harder for him to make up his mistake.

Jaehyun was twenty-one years old when Doyoung finally opened up to him. He learned a lot about Doyoung’s life and that he promised to stay by the older’s side. He still kept that promise,

And now, Jaehyun was twenty-two, he finally confessed his undying love and Doyoung accepted it, considering it was mutual. They dated and now here they were side by side at the place where they met the very first time. 

Jaehyun did not want to be the cheesy type of guy but Doyoung had always been in his life, in his mind (except for that blank four years). 

That a Jaehyun loved a Doyoung, always.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the delay but I wasn't feeling well so yeah. Anyway, this is the end and thank you for spending time reading. (I'm sorry if the story is shit) I'm very thankful for the comments and kudos. It meant a lot to me.

**Author's Note:**

> Drop by,  
> [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/writethedust)


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